Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Gold Medal in Sandwich Cutting

Mr. H. has a knack for cutting sandwiches. First, to understand this, you'll need to know that Mr. H. makes my lunch each day (or the night before). Usually it's a sandwich and some grapes. Sometimes I also bring some baby carrots. Anyway, he likes to cut his sandwiches not down the middle or diagonally, but by cutting a little corner off.

Now, I being more of a traditionalist, like my sandwiches either cut down the middle or diagonally. But one day last week, he accidentally started to cut my sandwich the way he cuts his (we don't like the same mustard on our sandwiches, hence a his and hers sandwich). When I got to work and saw that my sandwich had not one but two cuts in it, I called him to find out why. We had a laugh and moved on.

Or so I thought. Now Mr. H. is getting creative with the knife. So far this week I've had a sandwich cut kinda squiggly with a yin yang and marked with the American flag, that was the day after it was marked with the Union Jack. Who knows what he'll come up with tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Not feeling the love

My company has decided that visiting all kinds of websites is no longer conducive to working. So I can't update my Facebook page from work. I can't blog from work, or read other's blogs from work (well not those that have a address). They've gone all 1984 on us lately and I have to say, it's not sitting pretty with the workers. First they take away cake day and now this? Where will it end?

Sure, maybe I'll be a little more productive while I'm at work. But something is going to break this camel's back and, well, that's not going to be a pretty site.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Happy Monday?

At least in prison
You get to shank people who
Really annoy you.

- from Office Haiku by James Rogauskas

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

How to get fired from your job in five weeks or less

As promised the other day.

I recently had an encounter with a person who managed to turn off every person they came into contact with and apparently piss off enough people at the right level that they were told they probably shouldn't be working at the company anymore. It went a little something like this:
  • Get hired
  • Intimidate immediate manager
  • Have immediate manager try to pawn you off on the head of area
  • Invite yourself to a departmental meeting that is above your level
  • Complain when you are not being included in meetings above your level
  • Meet head of department (the big boss) during a meeting and proceed to tell them and others why they are wrong
  • Tell everyone how you did things at your previous companies
  • Go around an introduce yourself to everyone and try to form side pacts in what looks like an effort to play people off of one another
  • Get fired
See it's that easy. You too can start to enact your over-bearing personality upon others and, with any luck, you'll be told your services are no longer needed in as little as five weeks. Of course, this works best when you are within your first few weeks of working for a company since most people don't tend to rock the boat until they've been somewhere for six months or so.

Up next: How to stay employed regardless of how many people you piss off and departments you cycle through.

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