Saturday, December 8, 2007

Hatton V Mayweather

What's that you say? You're watching boxing. But Melly, you don't like boxing. That's true. I don't. However, if you want to have fun on a Saturday night, what's better than watching two 150 pound guys beat the shit out of each other. What's even better is that tonight I'm doing my first attempt at live blogging. That's right, I'm watching the match right now (well, it hasn't started yet), and I'm going to give a play-by-play of this wonderful sport.

First off, the event is sponsored by Rockstar Energy Drink which you can enjoy here and in the UK (in case you didn't know Hatton is from Manchester). Mr. H. is pulling for his copatriot. But then again, the Leedsians and the Manchesterites don't really get along, so I'm not sure why he'd be rooting for him. There are a lot of English people in Vegas. So many that they drowned out the singing of our national anthem - which was kinda rude. But then again, they had to listen to Tom Jones sing God Save the Queen, so I don't really blame them. 

OK, we're getting ready to RRRRRRUMBLE.  OK, now we're rumbling. The English, like they do at all sporting events, are singing. I don't know how they keep them from singing at Wimbledon. 

Mayweather's wearing some nice velour shorts and shoes with fringe. Hatton's got some weird sparkley shorts with the Union Jack on the butt. Very attractive. Now apparently, according to Mr. H. and Don, Mayweather is really fast. They all look fast to me. OK, end of 1st round. Hatton's kinda red, but then again he's English, he has no melanin. 

Second round. Watching real boxing isn't like watching Rocky. They keep hugging each other and putting their heads in to wards their chests. The ref, who has a weird over bite, just called time to remind the boxers how to hit each other. Oops, looks like Hatton got hit kinda hard there. Now Hatton landed a nice hit, and I can't understand a damned word this ref is saying. Oh, I get it. The ref has a mouthguard in. I guess that makes sense. Apparently Mayweather is holding Hatton and he's going to get points taken away from him. End of second round.

Third round. They're doing a lot of the dancing around again...oooh now they're doing some girly type fighting. Hatton's getting the better of Mayweather, but then again, what do I know. Don and Mr. H. are saying Mayweather is waiting until longer in the fight. Some lady in the fourth row is going crazy and now Hatton has a cut above his eye. End of round three. Apparently Hatton has some ex-London cab driver who is the only person who can stop his cuts from bleeding.

Round four - they're throwing punches left and right and one of the commentators is talking all over it. Who are these people who come to these fights? We got to see the parade of stars before the fight started, the Jolie/Pitts, Tiger, Jude, Becks, Slater. Mayweather just landed a couple of good punches but the white guy isn't giving up and now Hatton's eye is bleeding again, about time to call in the London cab driver and one of the commentators just said "this is definitely not Dancing with the Stars" in case you were wondering. End of round.

OK, now looking at these replays is just painful.

Round 5. These guys are just ripped. It's crazy. They need to eat some more. Hatton's got Mayweather in the corner, but I'm not sure it's doing him any good. There's so much hugging in this sport, if it weren't for all the hitting, you'd think these guys really like each other. OK, apparently that was a Ricky Hatton round. I guess he landed some good punches. And now we're looking at pictures of Hatton's parents. His mother doesn't look too happy - but she's wearing some nice bling, so she can't be too unhappy with her son's career choice.

Round 6 - and Hatton got Mayweather on the outside of the ropes and gets a point taken away for hitting Mayweather on the back of the head. So now, as with all angry Englishmen, he's going after his opponent with fury. Hatton likes to keep Mayweather on the ropes, and Mayweather just keeps letting him push him against the ropes. End of round.

Round 7 - just another reminder that this is fight (and my blog) is being brought to you by Rockstar Energy Drink. Right now they have Hatton up by one point. For some idiotic reason they are talking about what the cut guys in the UK use on their guys versus what the US cut guys use. Whatever. Like there's a fight going on, why are we talking about cuts? See, it's a boring, stupid sport...we're back to the cut solution now. Oh, now one of the other commentators is talking about the "cut tutorial" and let's get back to the action. End of round.

Round 8 - Hatton seems to do a lot of chasing Mayweather around - which leads me to believe that maybe Mr. H. and Don are right and Mayweather is waiting until the end to really put Hatton away. Mayweather is landing some good punches now and if these keeps up there's going to be a bunch of disappointed Limey's. Oh, now the American's are getting back at the Brits booing over the national anthem with chants of USA. And now Hatton is getting the shit beat out of him and it really might be over this round. There's 16 seconds left and Hatton's coming back, a little.  End of round. The replays for that are going to be good.

Round 9 - In between the round, the ref is over at Hatton's  corner making sure he's OK. His trainer seems to think so, but I'm not so sure. Mayweather seems to be landing some good punches and he doesn't seem to be hurting at all. Of course, that hasn't stopped the singing from the English. In the meantime, I think Mayweather is dancing to the music they're providing, because he doesn't seem tired at all. I have no idea what they're singing, but it's to the tune of "Winter Wonderland." End of round.

Hatton's not looking good, and his mother doesn't look happy, but she's got some nice cleavage (it's not my fault - the camera angle is right down her dress). Round 10 - Only three rounds left. Mayweather's pulled ahead a couple of points. Hatton's down. He got hit with a left hook and propelled himself right into the corner post.  Oh, it's not looking good. He's down and he just got knocked out. 

Well, props to the English fans, they're still singing. Now the fighters are kissing and making up, and all's well that end's well. 

Maybe not the best play-by-play ever, but you can't say I didn't try. 

1 comment:

deuddersun said...

Oh...my...God! That was excellent, lol!

Very, very good. Very good. Cannot stop laughing....

d.

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