Tuesday, July 10, 2007

baby dreams

had a dream about being pregnant (don't tell Mr. H. - he'll break out in hives or something). It's interesting how we dream about things that haven't happened to us yet. I have no idea what it's like to be nine months pregnant. In the dream we were flying or driving somewhere, or doing some combination of both, and I was pretty much ready to pop (don't tell me about how you can't fly after a your second trimester, this was a dream). My sister was there, and we were looking for our old house (this part of the dream stems from us, my sister and I, trying to find out all the addresses we've ever lived at - which have been many - and going on a quest to find them). At some point in the trip I fell asleep, and when I woke up (in my dream that is), I was amazed that I was still pregnant. I had totally expected that I would give birth while I was sleeping. I guess I have a pretty hopeful (and unrealistic) view of the whole birthing experience huh?

Anyway, Mr. H. and I have been discussing the whole having a kid thing (I say it like that so it doesn't sound like I totally want a baby - because I secretly think if I am too eager to have a baby, Mr. H. will completely shut down and I'll get too old - it's a good thing Mr. H. doesn't read this blog!). So obviously, the whole baby thing is on my mind. Mr. H. asked me the other day why I wanted a baby. And I think this dream totally illustrates the reason: because the birth will be easy and it'll help me find my past. OK, not really. But I have been thinking about why I want a child. Of course, there's the whole thousands of years of evolution and what not. But then again, for years I wasn't sure if I even wanted children. And I'm one of those people that believe that we don't really need more people on this Earth (we probably need less). I also think about all those children out there who don't have families, and wouldn't I be a more responsible citizen by adopting a child rather than having one of my own (of course that brings up a whole host of other social issues like why children are up for adoption, whether I would adopt a baby or an older child, is it OK to adopt a child not of the same race or heritage as yourself...you see what I mean). But now that I am in my mid 30's, I find myself wanting a baby. I do the whole annoying cooing at cute babies and toddlers. I LOVE spending time with my nephews and niece. So is this just the biological clock ticking and evolution pushing me or is there something more?

I think more than anything, you can't intellectualize this decision. Sure, it's partially biological clock, part evolution, part love for Mr. H. and my firm belief that he would be a wonderful father, and that having a child together would be something that I can't even start to find words for.

PS - Just to let all you inquiring minds know, I am not pregnant.

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