Wednesday, May 9, 2007

My (one of many) character flaws

I was going to blog at home last night (instead of wasting time at work...I mean during lunch), I even had a topic all picked out. But, you know, I went to the gym after work, then I drove Mr. H. to the Riv to see the Artic Monkeys (they're cold, they're simians...what could be more fun), then I came home and changed clothes, put some stuff away, entered my lunch foods into the calorie counter thingy, decided what to have for dinner, made dinner, and then started watching Must Love Dogs (not a movie I'd recommend, but we just got a DVR and we have HBO free for three months, so I'm taping everything). By the time the movie was over, it was almost 11. So, that whole blogging at night thing didn't go well. Maybe tonight. Of course, tonight, I'm going to a Poetry Center event (Diane di Prima is reading at 6:30 at the SAIC Ballroom, 112. S. Michigan Ave., $10, free for members, I expect to see you all there). I'm sure it'll be exciting, but who knows if I get to blog tonight when I get home. Maybe I should stop sleeping so I can get more done. Or maybe I should just stop trying to get so much done. Or maybe I should stop watching TV. Not sure what the answer is there. This blog, or last night's blog, wasn't going to be about blogging. But I'm not in the mood to write about what I was going to write about last night. I'll save that for another day. I don't know why blogging should be an emotional thing. I guess writing in general is fairly emotional. It's kinda gray outside, and I'm not in the best mood. I'm trying to figure out why I am so easily annoyed. Is it a character flaw? Do my meds need to be adjusted? Last night, Mr. H. came home a little tipsy, he was happy to see me, he was in a good mood because, he'd just been to see a band he liked, nothing wrong with that. But for some reason it bugged me. Not bugged me that he was happy, tipsy...I guess I was in the zone of watching my movie, being alone, and he interrupted that. Not his fault, so why did it bug me? It's not like I thought he wasn't going to come home (though I did think I was already going to be asleep when he got home). So no real reason for me to be annoyed, except I was (and then of course, kinda mean to Mr. H.) This morning, on the train ride in, there was this woman with really short hair, the kind that is straight and lays totally flat, was upset because they doors opened and her hair blew up. She turned around and shot the doors this nasty look, and held her hair down. It was funny because her hair could have blown around for 15 minutes, and it still would have gone back to exactly the same place. That annoyed me. It annoyed me that she would be annoyed with wind. But is this my problem (her hair I mean)? No. So why should it annoy me? It annoys me when Frenchy uses the kitchen as his own personal office. He likes to go in there and shut the door when he's on the phone. When ever he does it, I just want to barge in there to get a cup of coffee. (OK, I think most people would agree that's a pretty legitimate annoyance - but still, nothing to get too upset with). What's happened to me? I don't always remember being this easily annoyed. I used to be a pretty easy going person. Or maybe I wasn't. Maybe I've always been this high strung, and I just didn't know it. Maybe I need some sort of support group, like for anger management, but for annoyance management. Maybe I just need to do more yoga and meditation (of course, I'll have time for that since I'm no longer sleeping).

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Flaw equals defect, blemish, something in need of correction or eradication. Annoyance, however, is a reaction, a mechanism as opposed to a feature or characteristic, and reactions, those not instinctual or reflexive, are generally symptomatic, a mere link in a larger, probably infinite causal chain of being, a signpost rather than a destination, a soup of metaphor. No control, and therefore no counteraction, no remedy. Reactions are automatic responses triggered by stimulation to systems not static but constantly renewed and refashioned. Therein lays the choice. Choice of what’s important, and just as significantly, what is not. Choice, fundamental and simple, influences the entire process, from experience to understanding to reaction. In this respect we have an actual say in our character, a valid and conscious contribution to our own mutable and suggestible personalities. Annoyance is not a flaw. It is often merely a choice we are unaware that we even made, one that serves to distract, to deter, to ultimately deform the comprehension of our very ability to make choices in the first place.

Anonymous said...

I think Deepak Chopra should shut his pie hole

Melanie said...

all right now, everyone's entitled to an opinion. let's play nice...

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