Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Nocturnal Activities

my husband is the pillowcase fairy. of course he prefers to call himself the pillowcase changer man, but really, that's too long to say. he doesn't dress in pink or have wings and a wand or anything like that. he looks pretty normal, but he has this unusual night job. each night he zips out and puts fresh pillowcases on pillows in need. of course, it depends on your special circumstances how often, if at all, he might be visiting you to change your pillowcase. if you happen to be one of those people who change their pillowcases each week, and practice really good hygiene, well, he might not feel the need to change your pillowcase. if, however, you don't tend to change your pillowcase more than once a month, and you wear a lot of product in your hair, or you often pass out on your bed after a rough night of drinking without taking any of your makeup off, or say you can't seem to sleep without drooling all over the place, well, my husband, he'll come by and replace your pillowcase for you. you won't know your pillowcase has been replaced. it'll look just like yours, only cleaner. it's just a little service he provides to all those in need. how does he do this you ask? how does he manage to get to all the clean-pillowcase needers in the world each night? why does he do it? well, he has a bit of insomnia, and one night, while searching on the internet, he read something about how many fairy types are actually regular joes (or joesettes) who have insomnia. makes sense right. it got him to thinking. what could he do that would be different than the others out there? and somehow, he says it came to him in a dream, but i find that highly improbable given the circumstances, he decided on pillowcase fairy. once he decided that this was a need that he could fill, he did what any other entrepreneur does, he drafted up a business plan and started looking for vc money. luckily, santa claus happened to be giving away grants for those who wanted to provide a new type of night-time, super-secret, highly-improbable, magic service. also, the only other applicant was this guy who wanted to offer night-time dentistry (to save people from the agony of having to go to the dentist while awake) but s.c. decided that was too close to the tooth fairy's racket, and we can't have that can we? once you get vc money from santa, well you also get in on the whole getting around the world in a really short span of time thing. don't ask me, he won't tell me how it actually gets done. i just found out that he was the pillowcase fairy the other day. i found him changing our cases, something he has never done before, and i asked him why, but he wouldn't tell me. that made me suspicious. so i kept asking him what was going on, what was up with the pillowcases, why were they such a big deal. and he broke. he's sworn me to secrecy, so please don't tell anyone. he's thinking of getting cards so people will know he's been by. but then he's worried that people will stop changing their pillowcases just to have him come by, try to catch him, try to figure out who the pillowcase fairy is. it almost happened to the tooth fairy, and i can tell you, there was hell to pay in fairy land for that little fiasco. so, next time you're in need of a clean pillowcase, don't worry. maybe, if you're good (he has access to that whole naughty/nice list too), my husband, on one of his sleepless nights, will come by and change your pillowcase.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Though as a general rule I choose to let byblogs be byblogs, let sleeping blogs lie, etc., I must on this occasion break my silence and stand up against such a grievous case of outright libel and intentional character assassination. The position of Pillow Case Changer Man is one of great import and significant esteem. His responsibilities are great, his duties often perilous. His bearing is that of absolute benevolence, his concern solely for our slumbering heads. To denigrate his reputation by lumping him with the Fairies is an insult hardly conceivable. To further associate his personage with that fraudulent degenerate Santa is an act of treachery so profound and despicable that I shudder at your audacity. Madam, to shame.

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