Thursday, March 1, 2007

Husband for Hire

I'm married to the funniest man alive. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "wait, you're not married to Bill Murray." No, I'm not. And yes, he's funny. But not as funny as Mr. H. Why just this morning, as we were walking to the train, treading over the odd snow pellets that were thrown down on Chicago last night, he said "What's that old saying about March - in like a snow cone, out like a waffle?" That's funny. Maybe it was a "you had to be there" moment, but I assure you, it was funny. And he's like that all the time. He pretty much keeps me in stitches. Sometimes his humor is that dry "British" type of humor - which can be hard to get as an American, but I try. He likes to do pratfalls a lot, which is more a Dick van Dyke and Three Stooges type of humor, geared towards the guys. I don't find it funny, but the fish (all of which are males) think it's hilarious. And then there's his written work. Yesterday he sent me an email because I hadn't blogged in a while. He was telling me ... well, I'll just show you:

Mrs. H. - going on a week now without a musing. What gives? You should know you are in serious jeopardy of violating your contract with the local Brown Line Rider Association. Permits have been revoked for less. Please understand, I come to you now out of friendship and admiration, but know that if this behavior persists I shall be forced to take measures ordinarily repellent to my nature. I beg of you, do not let the situation escalate to such unfortunate and irreversible conclusions. The good news is that this is entirely in your power to avoid. After all is said and done, I am certain we shall look back upon this unpleasant episode and laugh. All such mirth and merriment needs in order to come to fruition is a simple decision on your part. Do the right thing. For all concerned, and for the greater good, do what your conscious and sense of duty requires. Sincerely, Mr. H.

There are lots of inside jokes in that note that you probably don't get, but I bet you still find the overall effect comical. And I get notes like this all the time! Now, I don't mean to make you jealous. I'm sure your husband/wife/SO is funny in their own way. But not everyone can be truly hilarious. And I take it as a wonderful stroke of luck that I have landed such a witty man. However, if you are ever in need of some droll humor during your days, he's available for rental at very reasonable rates.

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