Thursday, February 1, 2007

The Toilet

She has no ideas why toilets run. She doesn’t know why they continue to run after you’ve flushed them – even after you have jiggled the handle. It drives her nuts. And she’s asked him to fix it a million times. And he tries, but it only works for a week or so, and then it starts to run again. He must be sick of her complaining, or maybe he’s just sick of the toilet running, because today he’s decided to fix it for once and for all.

He gets up early and heads to the hardware store where he commences to spend four hours talking to different people about why the toilet may be running, what makes toilets run, what different parts may be old or worn and what parts he might need. Maybe the float arm is too high, or the flush valve is stuck, or maybe it just has a slow leak, or maybe the flush valve isn’t sealing properly. So many possibilities. But armed with the all the information he could ever need, he heads home with a few tools (though apparently he doesn’t need those for this job) a book on easy home repairs (in case he forgets what he learned at the store) and a new laser level, because now that he’s at it, he might as well properly align the pictures in the bedroom.

Back at the house he now barricades himself in the bathroom, basically taking apart the toilet because he can’t seem to figure out which problem is causing it to run. Finally he decides that the flush valve just isn’t sealing properly anymore. And, by the looks of it, it could use replacing. So off he goes back to the hardware store for a new flush valve. Who knew there were so many different kinds. Now he’s in a conversation with the Home Depot geeks about conserving water, and types of flush valves and what not. Meanwhile, she’s at home not able to use the bathroom, and so decides that going to the coffee shop to sit and read (and use the facilities) is the best use of her time.

After several trips back and forth, he’s finally figured it all out. And yes, now the toilet flushes great, and apparently it uses less water – which is good, she’s all for conserving water. And he’s very pleased with himself that he successfully fixed the toilet (as well as re-hung the pictures in the bedroom). But what he doesn’t know yet is the day he spent fixing the toilet was her birthday. And even though it was her birthday, she had gone out and bought some sexy pink lingerie to celebrate in.

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